i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
