i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
