Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
