im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
