I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
