come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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