haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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