I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
