i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
