The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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