fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
