We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
