I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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