i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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