I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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