i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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