Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
