In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
