please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
