Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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