So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just want to make out with him forever
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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