Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
