How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
