don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
