theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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