I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
