I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
