Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
