Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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