i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
