maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
