dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
