Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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