Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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