I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
