Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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