Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
