I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
