so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
