youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She said her name was "party"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize
