yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
