I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
