i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
