just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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