hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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