I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
