When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
