Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
