Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
