I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We need to rekindle our bromance
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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